After changing to my current position as a Siebel configurator, I have been depleting a lot of my brain power. A lot of brain cells died just to perform on par, just to perform to expectation and just for that meager pay. I have been slow and seem lack of juice to even respond to pain and anguish.
OK lar, even if a lorry was heading fast towards me, I guess I won’t even blink and would receive its arrival half a second late and won’t even know what hit me. It’s that bad OK?
People have been telling me to get a girl to love and to be loved. I think to myself, what’s the point of getting a girl if I won’t be able to invest much time into fostering the bond. Relationship needs time, effort and spontaneity, which neither one of them I have, nor able to fork out.
The urge to love comes and goes, I can’t control them. There was once I wanted so much to love somebody. But I couldn’t and didn’t persist stubbornly just to break into someone’s heart. I tried, but not hard enough and never would, as I do not believe in bulldozing my way.
That feeling has long gone, but would come again. I believe, one day or someday, it would return and blossom. But I am not sure when. There are plentiful of opportunities, near and around, but I would never know the likelihood of succeeding. I don’t and didn’t even try to poke further my way as I know it would be even more tiring for me.
I believe in mutual affections, where you deem someone as decent enough to give both a chance to know each other better. I always believe that this is how the matures would and should handle relationships, casual dates and outings, just to explore the possibilities.
But I guess not, I guess at my age, this way is so not me. Where I'm so dreary and weary of the chasing games. But yes, I shall, and will always believe in this way. I hate the bumpy-roller-coaster-chasing-way of flowers and lies to slam into her heart.
I guess it is still too early for my time to get a girl, coz I am an old mind stuck in a young body.
And I don't know what to do...
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Sometimes it's kinda hard for me to spill out my mind to others as my line of thoughts does not progress linearly. They jump here and there, even I am confused. Sometimes I get huge mood swing, being another person altogether! I guess you'll get my message better from the blog!
4 comments:
stop being so cynical.
not all the gals would know your virtues until you pursue them diligently. not all gals are shallow. they are bound to be some who appreciate who you are.
even a rough diamond needs a master craftman.
lil'kc
just be yourself. don't need to pursue anything diligently if you are true to yourself. trust me. when it's supposed to happen, it will happen. embrace life. there's a lot going for you.
Les,
I dun believe in changing myself to get something I wanted. They'll have to embrace the whole package. Hehehe...
Monk,
Thanks for the encouraging words!
i am not asking you to change. i am saying, try dating; give women a chance to appreciate you; have some good sex along the way....
life is just not about work and hi-fi, tho' it is far better than work and a rotten relationship
:-)
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